Honesty...

Something so seemingly simple occurred to me yesterday, and I decided to share it here.

There are skills that we all pick up on our journey through life... coping skills, social skills, skills we learn in school... math, reading, etc... and all of those skills can help us figure out or get through different things along the way.

Some things, though, require no special skills. Honesty is one of those. Honesty, to me, requires self respect and courage. If, at some time, one is lacking in one, a boost in the other will help compensate. That's all it takes.

There have been times in my life when I've definitely been lacking in one or both of those things. Self respect took years to gain and recognize... and courage was most easily applied when it came to someone else... not myself. During those 'short' times, I would sometimes find myself spinning some story or other... taking the easier route... saying something 'to make it okay'. The more I did that, the harder it got to have that self respect and courage.

There were even some times in my life when I found that I'd been lying for so long that I was unsure, myself, what the truth was anymore. At those times, I knew as the words came from my mouth that they were lies... but I chose to keep talking. It was at those times when I was at my most chickensh**. I was flat out terrified. Not necessarily of the truth itself, but of the actions I might need to take if I really looked at the truth.

That fear and lack of self respect was a spiral that simply compounded itself. The only way to stop that spiral, for me, was to just.... stop.

It took me a long time to build into the person I am today. I know where I've been... and I know what I've picked up along the way. Some of it is heavy, and I'll probably carry it for the rest of my life... but that's okay. I'm proud of who I am now. I have that self respect... and I have enough courage to be honest with myself.

There is someone in my life right now who is struggling with honesty. It was while thinking of her that this all came to me. I recognize her struggle... and I wish she would believe me that it is worth it... so very worth it... to just... stop... push through the fears and doubts... and just be real. Genuine mediocrity is better than any grand illusion.

I hope she figures that out.