Everyone has a Story. Our lives are made up of little stories, chapters, which, put together, make us who we are... make up our constantly unfolding individual Story.
Most of our stories overlap with those of others... each impacting the other in ways ranging from completely unnoticeable to life changing. Some of our stories are private, held deeply within ourselves... sometimes a fear, a challenge, a belief, a memory, a feeling... something we don't share, but which still impacts how we move through our other stories.
Just as each of us differs in many ways, so do our stories. Some of us may be in similar places or situations... but what led us there can vary greatly. Our Story is our own... there is no one Story that is just like another.
All Stories are important and valid... every single one.
When I'm asked to describe myself, I can't help but stumble. General answers are usually all that is expected to a question like that... but in the past number of years, my mind continues after my mouth stops giving the 'expected' answers.
Who am I? I am the accumulation of experiences and my reactions to them, what I've learned from them... of choices and where they have led me... of emotions, judgments, and priorities that impact my choices... and more.
I am a daughter, a mother, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a friend, a lover, a complete stranger...
I am a survivor of a variety of abuses...
I am an artist, a student, a seeker, a (sometimes accidental) teacher...
I have challenges and triumphs...
I am a veteran...
I am less than I will be a year from now... and more than I ever dreamed possible...
Some of the things that have impacted my life, my views, my path, are... great teachers, humor, heartache, learning to survive and the coping skills that come along with that, adoption, love, loss... and so much more.
It's easy to forget, or simply not realize, that we even have a Story... and that others have theirs. We all have 'stuff'. What might seem trivial to one is extremely important and meaningful to another. My 'stuff', my stories, might mean nothing to most... but they are just as critical a part of who I am as another person's stories are to them. I might not understand another person's stories... but I do understand that they are just as important and valid to them as mine are to me.
I've come to realize, though, that we all have far more in common than we might think.
The advancements in technology have brought us closer to together... and kept us more distant at the same time.
Everyone's Story... or stories from within their Story... are valid, important, and so very worth sharing. I'd like to be a part of that sharing...
... So...
I'm extending an invitation... to everyone... to share any part of your Story with me. I would then like to, with individual permission, put those stories together and publish them. Anyone sharing their story with me would retain rights to those stories... and would be asked for input, as well, on the other 'what to do with the completed work' questions. I have never done this before... so it is new to me... and there is much I don't know yet.
What I do know is that the sharing of Stories has such great potential to make a difference... not only for others... but for ourselves, as well.
I am always open to comments, suggestions, criticisms...
If you would be interested, please let me know. Feel free to email me at LS_DAWNB@yahoo.com anytime.
How this evolves will depend on how many would like to be involved. It will unfold as it progresses... and I hope you will join in.
Thank you for reading,
Dawn
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Mistreated Veterans... Inexcusable
I am a veteran. I did not go overseas or into combat as most commonly thought of, but I served my country to the best of my ability during my time in the Army.
On a regular basis, I go to the small VA clinic that is closest to me. Being a small clinic, it is far easier for me to go in there than the VA Medical Center over 50 miles away.
The VA clinic is attached to the Veteran's Home, and sometimes, while waiting for my own appointment, I see residents from the Veteran's Home who are there for their own appointments. They are sometimes escorted by an aide who works at the home.
Today was one of those days... and what I witnessed hurt my heart.
I witnessed an elderly gentleman being talked to in a way that made him slump in his seat. The aide who had escorted him knew he was hard of hearing when she asked him something or told him something. Yet... when he told her he couldn't hear what she was saying, she replied with, "Well, I'm not going to yell." I was sitting in a chair 2 rows behind them, and I could hear her clearly... but only just. She rudely interrupted a conversation he had struck up with another gentleman sitting nearby. She repeatedly called him ornery, ornery, ornery. He just got smaller in his seat.
At first, I thought that perhaps this was just their rapport... that he knew she wasn't being serious or demeaning. But his body language changed so quickly that I had to rule that out.
She treated him in a disrespectful, demeaning manner... and one could tell that it hurt him... and it hurt my heart and made me so angry.
What I wanted to do then would have been very inappropriate... and the focus would have been on my reaction, rather than on her behavior. But I had to do something.
It was upsetting enough to witness any elderly person being treated that way... it made it that much worse knowing that this man was a veteran... and he lived in the attached Veteran's Home... which meant his choices for care, where he could even see a doctor, were probably limited. He is most likely stuck with what he gets there... which should be better than what he was getting.
I knew I had to cool down a little bit. He had gone into his appointment, so I waited and went to my own. On my way out, I asked the woman at the desk if she was familiar with this gentleman from earlier... and explained why I was asking. Was he someone that was typically difficult to deal with? Was I wrong to feel like the aide who had been with him needed a slap... or something? Her response made me stop questioning myself... I hadn't been mistaken in my impression.
Years ago, I spent about 4 years helping my mother care for my grandmother, who had Alzheimer's. I am not unfamiliar with the difficult moods that people can sometimes get in... and I am not unfamiliar with how it feels to be at the end of a long day. However... that is no excuse for treating someone as though they are less than... it is no reason to treat them with blatant disrespect. There is no excuse for that.
I drove out of the parking lot... only to turn around and walk into the Veteran's Home to find someone to talk to about what I'd seen. I had to do it without thinking too much about it... or I would not be able to. I was shaking the entire time... but I spoke with the social worker, then with the administrator and the aide herself.
I talked through the tears... and the experience reaffirmed what I already knew. Some of the people who work in these places really do care about what they do and the people they impact. Some people... not so much. I felt as though the social worker heard me... and even the aide... but the administrator seemed to try to excuse the way he'd been treated by saying something about how he'd recently been having some behavioral issues. WHAT?! He was certainly not exhibiting any of those when I saw him... and even if he had, one can be firm AND be kind.... there is NO EXCUSE... not EVER... for treating any human being as though they are 'less than'.
These aides, and everyone else fortunate enough to work in a place like that... though it might be difficult work sometimes, though they might not like their job, though they might not even like the people they are there to help... when they take that job, they take on a responsibility. Anyone who is responsible in any way for the care and well being of another person should do the very best they can to, at minimum, treat that person with respect.
If they cannot do that, they should find another job.
How's that for some un-common sense?
Thanks for reading.
On a regular basis, I go to the small VA clinic that is closest to me. Being a small clinic, it is far easier for me to go in there than the VA Medical Center over 50 miles away.
The VA clinic is attached to the Veteran's Home, and sometimes, while waiting for my own appointment, I see residents from the Veteran's Home who are there for their own appointments. They are sometimes escorted by an aide who works at the home.
Today was one of those days... and what I witnessed hurt my heart.
I witnessed an elderly gentleman being talked to in a way that made him slump in his seat. The aide who had escorted him knew he was hard of hearing when she asked him something or told him something. Yet... when he told her he couldn't hear what she was saying, she replied with, "Well, I'm not going to yell." I was sitting in a chair 2 rows behind them, and I could hear her clearly... but only just. She rudely interrupted a conversation he had struck up with another gentleman sitting nearby. She repeatedly called him ornery, ornery, ornery. He just got smaller in his seat.
At first, I thought that perhaps this was just their rapport... that he knew she wasn't being serious or demeaning. But his body language changed so quickly that I had to rule that out.
She treated him in a disrespectful, demeaning manner... and one could tell that it hurt him... and it hurt my heart and made me so angry.
What I wanted to do then would have been very inappropriate... and the focus would have been on my reaction, rather than on her behavior. But I had to do something.
It was upsetting enough to witness any elderly person being treated that way... it made it that much worse knowing that this man was a veteran... and he lived in the attached Veteran's Home... which meant his choices for care, where he could even see a doctor, were probably limited. He is most likely stuck with what he gets there... which should be better than what he was getting.
I knew I had to cool down a little bit. He had gone into his appointment, so I waited and went to my own. On my way out, I asked the woman at the desk if she was familiar with this gentleman from earlier... and explained why I was asking. Was he someone that was typically difficult to deal with? Was I wrong to feel like the aide who had been with him needed a slap... or something? Her response made me stop questioning myself... I hadn't been mistaken in my impression.
Years ago, I spent about 4 years helping my mother care for my grandmother, who had Alzheimer's. I am not unfamiliar with the difficult moods that people can sometimes get in... and I am not unfamiliar with how it feels to be at the end of a long day. However... that is no excuse for treating someone as though they are less than... it is no reason to treat them with blatant disrespect. There is no excuse for that.
I drove out of the parking lot... only to turn around and walk into the Veteran's Home to find someone to talk to about what I'd seen. I had to do it without thinking too much about it... or I would not be able to. I was shaking the entire time... but I spoke with the social worker, then with the administrator and the aide herself.
I talked through the tears... and the experience reaffirmed what I already knew. Some of the people who work in these places really do care about what they do and the people they impact. Some people... not so much. I felt as though the social worker heard me... and even the aide... but the administrator seemed to try to excuse the way he'd been treated by saying something about how he'd recently been having some behavioral issues. WHAT?! He was certainly not exhibiting any of those when I saw him... and even if he had, one can be firm AND be kind.... there is NO EXCUSE... not EVER... for treating any human being as though they are 'less than'.
These aides, and everyone else fortunate enough to work in a place like that... though it might be difficult work sometimes, though they might not like their job, though they might not even like the people they are there to help... when they take that job, they take on a responsibility. Anyone who is responsible in any way for the care and well being of another person should do the very best they can to, at minimum, treat that person with respect.
If they cannot do that, they should find another job.
How's that for some un-common sense?
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Honesty...
Something so seemingly simple occurred to me yesterday, and I decided to share it here.
There are skills that we all pick up on our journey through life... coping skills, social skills, skills we learn in school... math, reading, etc... and all of those skills can help us figure out or get through different things along the way.
Some things, though, require no special skills. Honesty is one of those. Honesty, to me, requires self respect and courage. If, at some time, one is lacking in one, a boost in the other will help compensate. That's all it takes.
There have been times in my life when I've definitely been lacking in one or both of those things. Self respect took years to gain and recognize... and courage was most easily applied when it came to someone else... not myself. During those 'short' times, I would sometimes find myself spinning some story or other... taking the easier route... saying something 'to make it okay'. The more I did that, the harder it got to have that self respect and courage.
There were even some times in my life when I found that I'd been lying for so long that I was unsure, myself, what the truth was anymore. At those times, I knew as the words came from my mouth that they were lies... but I chose to keep talking. It was at those times when I was at my most chickensh**. I was flat out terrified. Not necessarily of the truth itself, but of the actions I might need to take if I really looked at the truth.
That fear and lack of self respect was a spiral that simply compounded itself. The only way to stop that spiral, for me, was to just.... stop.
It took me a long time to build into the person I am today. I know where I've been... and I know what I've picked up along the way. Some of it is heavy, and I'll probably carry it for the rest of my life... but that's okay. I'm proud of who I am now. I have that self respect... and I have enough courage to be honest with myself.
There is someone in my life right now who is struggling with honesty. It was while thinking of her that this all came to me. I recognize her struggle... and I wish she would believe me that it is worth it... so very worth it... to just... stop... push through the fears and doubts... and just be real. Genuine mediocrity is better than any grand illusion.
I hope she figures that out.
There are skills that we all pick up on our journey through life... coping skills, social skills, skills we learn in school... math, reading, etc... and all of those skills can help us figure out or get through different things along the way.
Some things, though, require no special skills. Honesty is one of those. Honesty, to me, requires self respect and courage. If, at some time, one is lacking in one, a boost in the other will help compensate. That's all it takes.
There have been times in my life when I've definitely been lacking in one or both of those things. Self respect took years to gain and recognize... and courage was most easily applied when it came to someone else... not myself. During those 'short' times, I would sometimes find myself spinning some story or other... taking the easier route... saying something 'to make it okay'. The more I did that, the harder it got to have that self respect and courage.
There were even some times in my life when I found that I'd been lying for so long that I was unsure, myself, what the truth was anymore. At those times, I knew as the words came from my mouth that they were lies... but I chose to keep talking. It was at those times when I was at my most chickensh**. I was flat out terrified. Not necessarily of the truth itself, but of the actions I might need to take if I really looked at the truth.
That fear and lack of self respect was a spiral that simply compounded itself. The only way to stop that spiral, for me, was to just.... stop.
It took me a long time to build into the person I am today. I know where I've been... and I know what I've picked up along the way. Some of it is heavy, and I'll probably carry it for the rest of my life... but that's okay. I'm proud of who I am now. I have that self respect... and I have enough courage to be honest with myself.
There is someone in my life right now who is struggling with honesty. It was while thinking of her that this all came to me. I recognize her struggle... and I wish she would believe me that it is worth it... so very worth it... to just... stop... push through the fears and doubts... and just be real. Genuine mediocrity is better than any grand illusion.
I hope she figures that out.
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